How To Win Friends And Influence People Book Summary

Do you find it hard to make friends? Do you argue with others and fail fully on recruiting them to your way of thinking? Do you feel your relationships with co-workers, buyers, and clients could be better?

How do you win friends and influence people? When you practice these techniques, you’ll pass time wonderfully, and hopefully you get to come out of the journey a more likeable and effective person, employee, or head of operations.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this summary.

1. Why you shouldn’t criticize others.

2. Why Jim Farley memorized 50,000 names.

3. Why you should imagine yourself as a barber if you really want to change others.

If You Ever Want Someone To Like You, Do Not Criticize Them

Bob Hoover is an airplane test pilot famous for flying back from an air show when both his engines suddenly malfunctioned. But because of his impressive flying skills, he was able to land his plane, saving everyone on board. But the aircraft was badly damaged.

The reason for the incident was that the propeller plane had been filled with the wrong fuel.

Hoover then approached the mechanic who made the fatal mistake. The young man was teary eyed through Hoover’s anger for the loss of his plane and endangering the 3 passengers in it.

But Hoover did not yet yell at him, scold him, or criticize him. Instead, he instructed the mechanic to apply the lesson he learned that day for his plane the next day.

Hoover decided this approach based on something B.F. Skinner points out in psychology. Animals will get rewarded when they demonstrate good behavior, and punished for bad behavior.

Criticizing people is simply not enough to cull any kind of behavioral action from anyone as humans tend to leap into action based on emotion and not reason most of the time. People and things you criticize, aren’t going to listen to what you’re saying. They’ll feel attacked, but they’re not going to listen. The more likely response is a punch in the face than any action that can go your way.

When you voice out your criticisms, it might help in the anger-release, but in the long-term, you’re just digging an even deeper hole, and not doing anything for your favor. Not one bit.

Many people make it part of their daily schedule to throw criticisms to others. Benjamin Franklin is famous for saying much of his success came from speaking ill of no one.

Lincoln learned this lesson the hard way too. He often criticized his opponents publicly, to a point that it led to a saber duel. The duel was cancelled at the last minute though, so he stopped openly criticizing others. Even in the Civil War, he told bashers of the Southerners not to criticize them because we would do the same if we were in the same circumstances.

Criticizing is easy. But it takes a whole lot of self-discipline not to stoop to a certain level of behavior. It takes character to forgive and let time heal wounds. So if you ever want people to like you, you’re going to have to think long and hard about the things you post, and accept only the battles you want to win, and make it a rule not to post criticisms for the whole world to see.

If You Want Favors, Show Appreciation Often

One of the main things we continue to live on this earth is people’s compliments. We all want to be appreciated, and receive a, “Good job.”

Some would go so far to say that the existence of civilization is rooted in our wanting to be regarded as important. When we receive approval and praise, it makes us do crazy things like climb mountains, start million-dollar businesses, and even write novels.

No one is really immune to wanting to feel appreciated. Even George Washington wanted to be called “His Mightiness, the Pres. of the United States.”

But you don’t have to give someone a title to show you appreciate them. It’s enough to say things like, “You need to take a bath,” or “Are you okay?” or “I miss you,” while saying something like, “Nice shoes.”

Don’t blow smoke in someone’s butt because everything is transparent about everyone, at least eventually. Stop thinking for a hot second and focus on the person that needs to be focused on.

Make that person feel they’re important, and get right to working. Ralph Waldo Emerson lived his life a modest mouse by regarding everyone he met as superior to him in some way, and we can all learn from this genius move in not getting hacked by a scythe.

The Golden Rule is also another great thing to keep in mind. The next time you’re feeling ill-mannered, maybe appreciate a service employee and brighten their day instead of hurling stuff at them that would just deeply annoy them. For example, Dale Carnegie would tell his postal employee, “I wish I had your head of hair.” This truly lifted the spirits of that wonderful employee, and they went on their merry way.

Leave acorns of appreciation in the hearts of people and you’re going to be surprised how positive people will react to you when they get what they needed from you–a compliment. It could be something far-off like work ethic, stamina, apathetic to societal beauty standards, or brute strength. With this approach, you can find yourself at the top echelons in the industry. You’ll also give a positive impact to people around you.

The Best First Impression Is A Smile

William B. Steinhardt wanted to try something new once. He was notorious for being a grouch who never smiled, so he changed things up by giving himself a pep talk in the morning in hopes of changing up his life.

He started a habit of greeting his wife with a smile every morning, then he would smile at the doorman of his residence, then the cashiers he would meet, as well as traders, and his co-workers.

The result was that people began to smile back. At home, Steinhardt reported having more happiness in his first two months doing the habit compared to his previous year of existence. He also found that he would be able to deal with complaints and grievances better at work, thus increasing his revenue streams. To put it simply, he became happier and richer.

Smiling is a simple action that goes a long way.

What’s Next?

Now that you know what the How to Win Friends and Influence People book is all about, let’s take a deep dive into the biggest key insights and how you can apply them to get the results you truly want in your life.

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